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Ranking the Cast Members of Vanderpump Rules

Vanderpump Rules is returning to our televisions and hearts come January 7. As someone who has watched the previous 7 seasons very recently, I felt that made me the perfect person to judge fairly and unbiasedly rank the cast members.

1. Ariana

Yes, Ariana can take herself a little too seriously sometimes, but she is far and away the best person on VPR. She’s funny and sweet, but doesn’t take shit from anyone (looking at you, Stassi). I love that she is open and honest about her feelings. She’s great! I am a total Ari-stan-a! Also this:

2. Tom Sandoval

Because Ariana is my number 1, it only makes sense for her number 1 to be my number 2. Before watching the series, I kind of assumed he was on the same level as Jax. I’m glad he’s not. He brings joy and charm to a sometimes very uncomfortable show. He’s not afraid to show his emotions, and he shows a lot of love to his friends.

3. Peter

Are they doing Peter dirty by never making him a regular cast member? Who knows. At least we always know Peter will be there in the background making slightly better decisions than everyone else. No one really seems to hate him. If he gets involved in drama, he always finds a way to slink his way out of it.

4. Laura-Leigh

Laura-Leigh absolutely had the best story line in VPR history. She comes in, does it with Jax in the bathroom at work, yells at Stassi in front of everyone for being a raging bully, takes Jax to her AA meeting where he tries to break up with her but he convinces him not to, and then leaves them in the dust because she got a role in a REAL MOVIE!!! STARRING JENNIFER ANISTON!! I’ve actually seen We’re the Millers more than once. Anyway, congrats to Laura-Leigh for blowing that pop stand. What a blaze of glory she left behind in season 1.

5. Stassi’s Dark Passenger

Stassi likes to blame her ‘Dark Passenger’ for many of her transgressions instead of just taking responsibility for herself. Anyway, Stassi’s Dark Passenger has created many memorable moments in the show, like: hitting her friends, being rude to her friends, having complete meltdowns at every single one of her birthday parties, etc. The show wouldn’t be what it was without it!

6. Tom Schwartz

The other half of TomTom comes fairly high in the list. He also brings a lot of charm to the show. He balances out a lot of the meanness that goes on in the show. Tom lightens the mood by leaving you thinking ‘what adult man would make that decision?’ Which I guess you could say about most of the cast.

7. Beau

I like Beau. He might be in this all for the attention, but you can tell he genuinely loves Stassi. I feel like you can see a (slight) improvement in her attitude since she’s been with him. He is absolutely the best boyfriend she has had on this show, not that that’s a high bar.

8. Billie

I genuinely think Billie to too good for this show. She smart and she’s been through a lot in a way no one else really understands. Things started off well with Billie and the VPR group, but quickly fell apart when they weren’t listening to her. She did what was best for her and left the show. I hope she has a lot of success in the future.

9. Raquel

When I was first thinking about this list, I genuinely thought Raquel would be dead last. But the more I thought about it, I’ve realized what a truly amazing character she is. She is so unintentionally hilarious, and everything she does is just mind-blowing. I can only imagine what kind of tomfoolery she will get up to as an actually employed person.

10. Stassi

When I first started watching the show, I thought I was supposed to like Stassi. Over the seasons, I can see why she gained a cult following. And I mean cult. Stassi has grown on me. I often find myself laughing at things she says. I like that she knows she is ridiculous. She just has no ability to take others’ feelings into consideration.

11. Kristen

Oh Kristen. Her arcs have gone up and down up and down. I like her some moments, and then we go back to her being a truly, truly insane person. Why she falls decently high on the list is because she is pretty darn entertaining.

Also did we know that Kristen was writing a book about DATING??? She might not be the first person I would take advice from on that subject??

12. Mike Shay

They absolutely did Mike Shay dirty on Vanderpump Rules, and I will stand by that. He clearly had a lot of issues, and no one was helping him work through them so they just compounded. They aired his dirty laundry on television seemingly without consulting him. While he was on the show, everyone seemed to like him! This was just a very bad environment for him to be in.

13. Giggy, the dog

What a good girl.

14. Kristina Kelly

Kristina seems to be the good friend to everyone, but she is clearly not exciting enough to become a full-time cast member. Keep on keeping on, Kristina.

15. Lala

I can’t help but to like Lala. She can be a little much sometimes. I think her reliance on calling herself a ‘gangster’ is pretty cringe. But I like that she is confident in who she is, and she recognized when there was a problem and worked to change it. She convinced everyone at Sur to be friends with her when they all started off hating her.

16. Katie

Katie is an interesting lady. She has some really high highs and really low lows. I think her and Tom should really work on their relationship if their goal is to stay together. Katie isn’t always a great friend, even though she tries to convince others that she is. Wait, maybe she should be a lot lower on the list.

17. Brittany

Ohhh Brittany. She gets some points because everyone in the cast seems to love her. She loses points she because she stays with Jax regardless of what a shit dude he is.

18. James Kennedy

The ballad of James Kennedy. I don’t know if I actually LIKE James. It’s very clear he’s struggling with a lot, and he takes that out on other people. But gosh does he have some good moments.

19. Lala’s Elusive ‘Man’

It was a lot more fun when we didn’t know who Lala was dating, and he was just referred to as ‘her man’. From the Gucci slides, to the PJs, it was a lot of fun speculating over this definitely married man. I have no interest in seeing Rand on this upcoming season, that’s for sure!

20. Scheana

I just can’t bring myself to like Scheana! I try! I try for Ariana’s sake! She’s just so hard to like! She is insufferable! She has her sparkling moments, like when she tried to comfort Stassi after Stassi came to her show just to make fun of her. But she puts a lot of pressure on other people to do exactly what she wants, and never seems to have a backbone about it.

21. Lisa Vanderpump

Is it a hot take that I don’t really like Lisa? I mean, she brings the drama. That’s why she got a spin-off. I just don’t think I would want to work for her.

22. Vail

She was a good attempt at another cast member. She tried to be interesting, she just wasn’t. You could tell she really didn’t have any interest in dating Jax. I think she is off living a nice life without all of this.

23. Faith

I liked Faith on the show, and thought she could have some potential. She didn’t really get the chance to explore it. Also, it was not a great look that she hooked up with Jax while taking care of an old lady. But Jax is the real douche in that situation!!

24. Scheana’s Other Boyfriends

I’m not going to put any effort in remembering any of their names. There was the guy who could do anything in 7 minutes, who Scheana was really into but wasn’t that into her. Then there was the Sur bar back who she liked to hook up with and said she didn’t want to date but totally did. Also, Robby from the Bachelor.

25. Tom Schwartz’s triplet brothers

These are three grown men who aren’t able to commit to going to their older brother’s fake wedding even if somebody else was paying for it!!

26. Tequila Katie

Tequila Katie is scary. She lashes out in a way that even Stassi’s Dark Passenger doesn’t. She’s sent many an-incoherent rage text in her day. She’s even been known to insult her husband’s, uh, you know, every once in a while. She even got a cocktail named after her in Ariana and Tom’s new cocktail book that I desperately want because I am a sucker.

27. Jax

Jax sucks. He lies, steals, cheats. All of those very literally. He is a 40 year-old-man that acts like a kid in middle school. He made his girlfriend get implants, and then held them over her head whenever they had an argument, then still had the audacity to cheat on her. Remember when he showed up in Vegas when Stassi didn’t want him to and then he got a tattoo of her name? All bad choices! Jax sucks so bad!

28. Frank

Stassi has a pretty terrible taste in men. Frank was awful. He was mean to her. Also wasn’t he the dude who sold her ‘intimate videos’? He should be in jail. F this guy.

29. Patrick

And somehow, Frank and Jax both got upstaged in terribleness by Patrick! He more or less isolated Stassi and belittled what she did as a living. And in his only appearance he sexually harassed Stassi’s boss! What a dude!



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